


The Talk - The Tumblr induced Crack!Fic

by Feather_Dancer



Category: Ghost - Mystery Skulls (Music Video), Mystery Skulls (Band)
Genre: But you heard nothing from me, Everyone is in character to KMS tho, The Talk, why
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-25
Updated: 2014-12-25
Packaged: 2018-03-03 11:41:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2849639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Feather_Dancer/pseuds/Feather_Dancer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I assisted in the creation of the horribly hilarious Crack!Fic idea of Arthur having The Talk a couple weekends again and somehow I've ended up being the one to write it. This is not my usual writing and I'm so so sorry. Not sorry about Arthur though.</p>
<p>Please note: While something similar may have happened before Lewis died, this is not related to Kill Me Softly in any way shape or form.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Talk - The Tumblr induced Crack!Fic

Looking back with the grace of hindsight they both probably should have realised something was up. What with blank looks when certain words are said, confusion at a whole ream of jokes, constant misunderstandings and the comments, Christ the comments he has come out with in the past month alone like the pasta incident earlier in the week that have somehow yet to kill her from laughing.

The innocence, while questionable, still manages to be sickeningly adorable mind.

Vivi and Lewis finally decide to have an impasse when Arthur asked them, after a very recent cultist grab for the fourth time in they’ve lost track how short a period, why did they always go for him for his “virgin blood” I mean aren’t you guys considered good enough for virgin sacrifices to a demon or whatever else crazy ass scheme they are trying to pull? Not getting slashed up just once would be lovely but is there like something odd going off here or is it just me?

They fobbed him off again saying it’s just cultist speak, he probably had some weird heritage they really liked and more localised than theirs. True would be nice if they stopped though as at this rate professional bait would end up on his CV permanently which set Vivi off cackling like a loon and an apologetic shoulder pat from Lewis much to Arthur’s annoyance. Carefully herding her away as she struggled to breathe through snorting, soon as they got out of hearing range and her calmed down enough the plan is swiftly made for a couple days time to give Arthur some respite from craziness.

~~~

“Heya Artie, you got a minute?” Lewis asks peering round the edge bedroom door. If he can avoid it, he tries not to go in there too often as unfortunately the floor is most often a revolving door death trap from how little Arthur bothers cleaning up after himself, more so he has some project or another going on. Or at least till Vivi storms in there and steps on something, whichever happens first.

A muffled muuurfhes is his response at first before he can spy the blondes head sticking up from the far corner of the room, arms both full of hunks of twisted metal, cables complete with a few sliced wires, plus some paper wedged in his mouth. There is an annoyed sigh as he frees one hand and spits out the frantic scribblings clumsily grabbing them again.  
“Yeah sure, what is it?”

“Don’t start worrying nothing bad, we just want you out your techno-cave five minutes so can see your face we’re starting to forget what it looks like.” His response is a snort.

“Oh come on I’ve only been in here for… wait a sec, oh! … Oh. Crap. Yeah I thought I was starting to get hungry for some reason. Ugh gimmie five, just want to go put these somewhere before I lose them. Took me long enough to find my damn screwdriver, Galaham went and stole it again for some reason,” he grumbles dumping his catch on the bed with a dull thunk and clatter.

Lewis rolls his eyes but heads off with a, you better do! leaving their friend to distangle whatever the heck that contraptional mess that has now caught his eye, hopefully before he starts distractedly fiddling with it again. Arthur is not the type to sit idle that long if he can avoid it, part of his charm.

~~~

When Arthur finally emerges looking distinctly more run down and covered in who knows what he finds his best friends chatting animatedly on the sofa or at least as best you can in one case when you have no lower jaw and have to rely on gesture and the occasionally unintentional spike of spiritual flame. Whatever it is, Vivi’s smile looks positively devilish and he hopes to God it’s not about him.

“They you are, Art! He made that drink for you ages ago it’s probably stone cold by now!”

“Uh, sorry?”

There is just a quiet, oh that’s fixable as Lewis carefully takes the mug in his hands, allowing his flames to blaze underneath until steam is once again pouring off.

“Apparently there is other uses, and should be better than microwaving it too,” he adds with a grumbled mutter before offering it to Arthur as he plonks himself down next to the pair.

“Thanks man. So what did you want?” he asks carefully taking the handle by his metal hand to not burn his skin right off. There’s hot and then there’s ghost powered hot when it comes to tea apparently.

“Well…” Lewis begins before coughing into his hand despite not needing to and glancing away gaining an odd look in turn. Vivi looks like she’s about to bounce off her seat any second, barely restraining herself with how tight her hands are clenched staring right at him.  
“Erf how to phrase this. Look, we’ve been seeing you get confused about some things. Nothing drastic but we kinda uh wondere-“

He is swiftly interrupted by Vivi launching herself across the sofa and grabbing Arthur by the collar none too gently and getting right in his face, eyes wide.

“ARTHUR YOU DO KNOW WHAT SEX IS RIGHT WE’RE GETTING CONCERNED!”

Lewis has a flat look and simply adds a quiet, Vivi we talked about this, with a sigh. Arthur just blinks barely keeping the tea in cup.

“Um? No? Should I…? I’ve heard the word round a few times but I’ve honestly never paid any attention to it and nobody ever really explained shit sooo,” he answers as calmly as he can in the face of Vivi who… is there really a definition for the expression on her face? Probably not. 

She grudgingly releases him with a scowl that could cause anything to self-combust if the thought came to her, still staring at him.

“GOD Arthur, don’t they teach you anything?! Ugh! Just please please tell me you understand things like being straight/gay/etc or this is gonna be one deep rabbit hole and I’ve not eaten enough for this shit. It’s been hours since I had bleeding breakfast and I’ve tried to be good about not demolishing all the snacks today but still! Mean it’s not important about any of those options but seriously how in the hell did you manage to avoid it this long I just can’t,” she pauses only a moment to have a deep breath before launching into round two.  
“How?! You’re 22 for fucks sake! Even Lewis wasn’t this oblivious and I ended up asking HIM out first if you remember!” Her hands are on her hips as she towers over poor Arthur looking like she might just hit him any second despite they both know she won’t.

Lewis’s skull meanwhile is slowly sinking into his body in embarrassment feeling it the safer option with Vivi on such a massive tangent and no way out for him. He does love her passion, truly, but he would appreciate her not dragging him into it.

“Um yes I know…? You bring it up whenever someone asks how you grabbed him for yourself, Vi. And I kinda don’t? I’m sorry this probably sounds like I’m speaking crap… I’m getting really confused as I never thought it mattered,” he blinks again not daring to look away from her staring down on him as he shrugs. If she doesn’t get this out her system now they’ll never hear the end of it.

“Well then! That I can manage just about, Arthur dear. Say if you liked just me it’d make you straight. If you liked just Lewis, gay and yes there is an option for both and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise as they are full of bullshit! Plus there’s other stuff, lots of other stuff it’s figuring it out as it’s too complicated without me having food and I’m running on coffee fumes here. I might need a chart or I’ll be a doof and explain something wrong,” her arms are waving about before she sighs with a huff completely ignoring Arthur’s growing red face as both got a mention in her tirade.

Lewis has somehow sunk beyond sight at this point into his chest cavity with barely a flicker of his flames in view above his collar.

 

“Vi, if you’re going to go onto what I think you are it might be wise you do eat something first or you might actually kill him….” The ghost pipes up quietly albeit still not emerging from his hiding place.

She muses a moment closing her eyes before poking Arthur’s forehead with a finger.

“Mean you ARE both adorable you know even if you have a habit of not realising for some stupid reason no matter how many times I remind you. Seriously Artie, if I saw you in a shop and shouted, you, the cute one!, you’d be running out the door so fast it’s one of the best things ever way you get all flustered when you get a compliment. No matter what, you’re both my boys and I’m so happy I’ve not had to resort to kidnapping yet even if you still say no to being in the same room thing. Spoil sport. You try and escape out that door tho I’ll throw his head at you so hard you stop running and hit the floor. Be good now!”

Lewis’ skull rises a little watching her stomp straight for the kitchen not intentionally as dramatic as she does before he peers over at their friend burying his face in a cushion to hide.

“Sorry.”

“Mfhhhhf muffleehh.”

“It does explain a few things though… I know this is Vivi style of learn things but are you holding up okay? Considering I mean,” he asks gently putting a hand on his shoulder.

“I want to diiiie. She’s gonna do something stupid like all the sordid details isn’t she,” Arthur whines from his self induced hiding place.

“Honestly? I think so yes, that’s why I wanted to buy you some time and why none of the Dead Beats are in here as you know what she’s like when she gets her mind set on something…” he answers with a unneeded sigh ignoring the clattering he can hear nearby.  
“Though even I’m confused how in the hell you managed to duck out this long.”

“I don’t know I didn’t do it intentionally I just had no reason to look anything like this up!” Arthur complains sinking further down into the sofa, his poor tea long forgotten about at this point somehow not everywhere and sitting on the coffee table.

“She has also brought a camera.”

“… Shit I’m not going to get out of this encounter alive am I?”

~~~

Arthur was bang on it turns out. With food freshly devoured she came back with a purpose and a devilish grin on her face. The second the word “well” left her mouth both Lewis and him wanted to bail.

Granted she could have been a lot lot worse than she was but there was no doubting the glee she got from mentioning a hot guy while looking directly at the two of them and a lady. Didn’t stop Arthur passing out from embarrassment afterwards, heck it looked like he might discover how to explode just from going bright red so badly within minutes of Vivi happening before he fainted.

Naturally she took photos while cackling much to the ghosts weary look and protests she overloaded his poor mind.

“Please Lew Lew, he said he didn’t know so I was imparting important life lessons for free! And look he’s so adorable when he’s passed out admit it,” she answers taking another photo.  
“Plus I got time to do the charts now. He’ll be fine, dorks had worse than me happen to him lets face it.”

Lewis just sighs holding onto his own cushion tighter. He’s very grateful he managed to dodge this sorda thing happened to him but not enough to stop feeling guilty or feeling the need to get an apology present in the next few days. Plus a spare for when those photos resurface…

 

(She made one of them Arthur’s phone lock screen, it went spectacularly)

**Author's Note:**

> I.... will go back to writing my usual stuff now.


End file.
